New York Dick Steak

I got the greatest thing ever in my last Butcher Box. My New York Strip steaks. Like usual, they were tender, flavorful, and delicious. Unlike usual, one of them was cut slightly wrong so that it was too narrow in the middle. This left me stunned and for a moment, I just stared at this penis-shaped hunk of steak in my kitchen. Then it dawned on me. "Oh my god, they sent me New York dick steak!" I'm sure the neighbors heard me. Who knows what the hell they thought of that. 

That dick was only about seven ounces, not the twelve I paid for. The shape made up for the missing meat, though.

I seasoned my meat and started cooking it. I hoped it would shrink some and look a little less dick-ish. No such luck. It looked even more like a big ol' schlong after only the center seemed to narrow, while both ends remained...uh...bulbous. 

That's a dick steak. The marbling of the fat even forms the balls and the head.

I've never been more excited to serve dinner. I was so pissed at my husband for saying that we weren't going to move to a cheaper, larger townhouse that's way closer to my work and just a little bit further away from his as we are now. He wanted to delay our move by four months, move in the middle of winter, and pay $200 more a month for the same flat we're already in. So, yeah...I was making him dinner like I always do, but he was going to eat a metaphorical dick. Because I'm hilarious and...well, more than a little weird. 

You'll notice something different about these pics compared to other steaks I've cooked. I used my steel pan instead of my ceramic pan. It was dirty and I was out of Dawn dish soap to wash it by hand. I really don't like using my steel pan for steaks. It gets too hot and burns too quick. I had to finish the steaks in the oven because the outsides were getting too charred. 

Ugh...look at that mess. Good thing I still had to make a sauce in it. All that melted fat did not go to waste. I dumped in some chopped shallots and sautéed the shit out of them.

The moisture from the shallots helped with the burned spots some, but to really get all that charred flavor into the sauce, vinegar is what's called for. A few tablespoons did the trick and it all simmered down to a dark ooze.

Look at that shiny, clean pan! I fucking love vinegar!

After the vinegar, I throw in some water, stock concentrate, and some herbs. I cook it down until it's reduced by half. Yum-diddly-umtious. I don't follow recipes for my sauces anymore. I just use herbs that complement the veggies I'm serving. For more on sauces, look for my Butcher Box steak blogs back in...March? Mostly March, I think. For some amazing meat of your own, click the link for Butcher Box to tell them I sent you and to get an amazing deal.

What else did I make? New potatoes and carrots in the oven. It took forever. Dinner was late, but so was my husband. That's cool, though. It gave me time to slice the steaks and pour the sauce over the them.

That's a dick steak. It's strip loin cut like a penis. There's no way hetero man could look at this and not feel conflicted, knowing how tender and succulent that meat is. One of the best steaks I've ever had, but that shape...The jokes are endless. I mean, just look at it. Don't you want it in your mouth?

He never knew his steak had been cut to look like a cock and balls. I'll never tell him. Just like I never told him when the cat threw up into his new shoes after he fed her clams and I'd told him not to. I cleaned it up and he was none the wiser. No harm, no foul, right? Besides, he doesn't read what I write. His English is passable, but he's still a slow reader and he doesn't like doing it. 

My steak was overcooked. I guess if I'd wanted it medium, I should've ate the dick steak myself.

If you've read some of my other blogs about Butcher Box, you might think I don't like them. But you're wrong. I love them, I'm just blunt. This is the best meat I've ever gotten. Their customer service has always left me satisfied. And duuuude...the meat. OMG. The meat is sooooo fucking good. The steaks just melt in my mouth. I could cut them with a butter knife if I wanted to. The chicken is incredible. I've never had better in my life. The price is beyond amazing for what you're getting. Per serving, the price of the large box is totally worth it. If you went to a steakhouse, you'd pay at least $50 for a steak of this quality. For a limited time, if you tell them I sent you, you get free bacon for life. I don't eat it, but you can! Check it out here.